


Trust Me

by mariadperiad20



Series: Foray into B99 [20]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Jake Peralta is Bad at Feelings, Light Angst, Roger Peralta's A+ Parenting, Trust Issues, post 7xo2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23190988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariadperiad20/pseuds/mariadperiad20
Summary: Why-” Amy cut herself off, taking a breath, forcing her hands to relax on the steering wheel. When she spoke again, it was less angry, more upset. “Why didn’t you trust me on this?”He didn’t reply. Couldn’t.Request fic! About Jake's reaction to Captain Kim
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Series: Foray into B99 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320137
Comments: 14
Kudos: 267





	Trust Me

Jake sat in the passenger seat of the car, pretending to not notice how Amy kept glaring at him at every red light, stop sign, and yield point. Because of course Amy stopped at yields, she was Amy.

Jake didn’t want to engage with it, didn’t want to think about it. He knew Amy wanted to talk, but he just… couldn’t. Not right now.

He didn’t know what he could possibly say. How to explain the sense of foreboding whenever someone in power was nice - why would they ever be nice? What did they stand to gain? - to him. People were only ever kind when they wanted something. Especially to one Jake Peralta.

Jake didn’t know how to explain that without sounding like an absolute madman - or, alternatively, unlocking way too much of his trauma -, so he kept his mouth firmly shut. His fingers tapped on the dashboard manically, and he felt tension grow in his chest as the lights of the street passed by overhead.

He wanted Amy to yell, just so that she could be angry and then be done. This simmering, this waiting… the longer he had to wait, the worse it was going to be.

But Amy didn’t say anything, and he wasn’t going to volunteer. He was afraid of what she might say, might do.

Jake knew this was extremely irrational - Amy had never hurt him (except when they were having kinky fun), and she wasn’t anything like… well, whatever. But he couldn’t help it. The same part of him that made him worry about Kim was making him anxious now, telling him that he had to _run, get away, hide until everyone forgot_. But, obviously, that wasn’t going to happen.

Jake took a breath, steeling his nerves. Amy would be mad, upset, but she was good. She wasn’t going to hurt him, she loved him. And not in the way his dad did, but like… _actually_ loved him.

“Ames, I’m sorry.” He said finally, voice muted. “I didn’t… mean for this to happen.”

Amy flashed him a glare, hands tight on the steering wheel. “Seriously, Jake? That’s your excuse?”

“It’s not an excuse.” Jake said quietly. “I just-”

“Don’t ‘just’ me! I told you not to, I said she was fine! And now we've lost a good Captain. One that everyone wanted - except you.” Amy’s voice wasn’t raised, but the tone conveyed frustration.

Jake hated himself for having the urge to lean away from her.

“”You always do this, Jake. You always see something you think is suspicious and you just latch onto it. You don’t listen to anyone, including and _especially_ me telling you otherwise!”

“Amy, I _did_ listen.” Jake defended, “I ju- I thought that you were wrong.”

“Why-” Amy cut herself off, taking a breath, forcing her hands to relax on the steering wheel. When she spoke again, it was less angry, more upset. “Why didn’t you trust me on this?”

Jake fell silent, words dying on his tongue.

This was the crux of it, wasn’t it? It wasn’t just that he hadn’t trusted Kim, it was that Amy had, and that he hadn’t trusted her.

He didn’t reply. Couldn’t.

Amy sighed, eyes fixing back on the road in front of them.

“I wish you would trust me, Jake. I don’t see how we can have a kid when we don’t have each other’s backs.”

The words bit in, harsh but wholly fair.

Amy was right, of course. She usually was.

“Ames,” Jake rubbed at his eyes, “It’s not… it’s not that I don’t trust you - because I do - it’s just hard for me.”

“What is?”

“I trusted you. I just… I didn’t trust Kim.”

“Who I told you was fine.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what she might have said or done to trick you.”

“Jake-”

“Look,” Jake grimaced, “I’m not explaining this right. It’s, like, people in power, they have it for a reason, right? And when someone in power, like Captain Kim, is nice, then that means they want something. My mom’s boyfriends - they were always nice, always really _nice_. But then they always were doing something shitty, and no one else ever saw it except me. Because everyone else just buys that Kim’s nice and doesn’t think about _why_ she’s doing it. What she gains.”

“Some people are just nice, Jake.”

Jake scoffed. “Oh, really? I haven’t met any. Besides Kim, apparently.”

“What about Terry?” Amy asked. Her eyebrows were furrowed.

“I didn’t trust him until he yelled at me about taking out his yogurt to make room for my orange soda.”

“Why- oh." Her tone changed. "You did that on purpose?” Amy frowned.

“Well, yeah. Because once someone in power has hurt me or yelled at me or whatever, then they no longer can pretend to be nice to me. It’s all honesty from then on.”

Amy was silent for a moment. “So, let me get this straight.” She said slowly, “When someone is nice to you, you don’t trust them. And you only do trust people when they treat you like shit?”

“Yeah. Exactly!” Jake nodded, “So I did explain it right, that’s good.”

Amy pulled over hard, putting on the car brake. She turned to face him dead on, concern written heavily across her features.

“That’s not healthy, Jake.”

“Well, it’s effective.”

“Not everyone wants to hurt you.”

Jake worked his jaw for a second. It felt like he was walking into a trap. “Well, I can’t know that.”

“You can trust them.”

“I’ve tried that, Amy. I’ve really, really tried. Fuck knows I gave my dad _how_ many chances at starting over? And he screwed me each time. Mom’s boyfriends? All of them, same way. Except I didn’t give them second chances. And now… Ames, even giving someone one chance is too… it’s too hard. I can’t afford it, anymore.”

“How many good people, _good_ people like Kim have you scared off because of this?”

Jake hesitated. “A lot.”

“And you’d rather do that than just trust them? Take that risk of being hurt?”

“Well… yeah.” Jake laughed nervously, “When you put it like that, it sounds like I’m traumatized or something.”

Amy looked pained.

Fuck. Jake would take angry Amy, even disappointed Amy, over hurt Amy.

“Jake-” She began, her voice sad and he _couldn't_ take that, not her getting hurt because of him.

“And I know, I know it’s stupid because I just ruined something good, and now the next captain is probably going to be someone terrible, but I just… I can’t take it, Ames. I can’t stand not knowing where I stand, because that means I can get hurt. Even with Vulture as our captain, I _knew_ what we were up against. All of this… unknown, it,” Jake hesitated, then admitted, “It scares me. More than it should, maybe, but it does.” Amy's face softened even further at those words.

Jake ran a hand through his hair, choking on a bitter laugh. “And now I’ve gone and ruined everything. The team is pissed, I’ve fucked up our relationship-”

“You haven’t messed up our relationship, Jake.” Amy said firmly, reaching out and catching his hand. “We hit a bump, but we’ve been through worse. I do hope that someday you are… able to trust more, but it’s not your fault that that’s how you react.” The tone in her voice made it very clear she had a person in mind on who she blamed, but she didn’t bring it up. “And it’s wrong of me to be angry for something that’s not your fault.”

“But it was my fault.” Jake felt guilty that Amy was so freely offering him an out. “I could have just… ignored how I felt and done my job.” _Like he was supposed to_.

“Jake, we’re detectives. Our job is to be suspicious.” Amy said, amused, before her voice softened, “And being afraid of being hurt isn’t a bad thing. Especially given your track record of getting hurt, it’s not fair for me to hold your coping mechanisms against you. You’ve been hurt by more people you trusted than most, and the fact that you can trust at all is a good thing.”

“I trust you.” He said automatically, “Always.”

Amy smiled softly at him. “I’m honored, Jake.”

“But what if I fuck this up, too?” Jake asked quietly, brokenly. “I don’t want to ruin us like I ruin everything else.”

“Please, Jake, we share finances, now.” Amy raised an eyebrow, “Do you really think I would have risked my credit score for you if I thought we weren’t going to make it?”

Jake laughed. It wasn’t quite the happy, cheerful laugh he normally had, but it wasn’t the bitter, unamused one from before, either.

Amy decided she would take what she could get. Besides, she reflected as she put the car back into drive, resuming their path home, it didn’t matter if Jake couldn’t trust someone right away. She could do it enough for the both of them, until he was ready. _If_ he ever was ready.

Amy also decided that she no longer trusted Karen Peralta. Anyone who could stand by as partner after partner destroyed her son’s trust was no longer someone she could approve of. It wasn’t Jake’s job to figure out whether or not they were good people, that was Karen’s. And the fact that Jake had to do that for so long, that he was still doing it now…

Amy bit back her words. She knew that Jake had a warped sense of what love was, and that, in his eyes, his mother had only ever meant well. Well of course she did - but Amy could see it in him how he always had to doubt everyone and everything - and that Jake would have been a lot better off if he could have had the luxury of his youth.

Jake acted so childishly sometimes, but Amy was always struck when she caught glimpses of his actual childhood - forced to grow up too soon, clinging onto his pranks and games to avoid having to acknowledge that he never really had those things to begin with.

Naturally, the fault landed squarely on the shoulders of the boyfriends and Roger, but Amy abhorred the thought of their future child ever having to grow up the way Jake did.

She always knew how scared Jake was of becoming his father.

Amy was beginning to understand her own fear of becoming his mother.

Jake stared out the window as the world rolled by, feeling a mixture of relief and regret. Relief that Amy understood, that she wasn’t angry at him for all of this. Regret because, no matter what she said, he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that this was his fault, anyway.

But then, he trusted Amy enough that if she said it was beyond his control, then he believed her.

He was almost scared by how much he did - she could destroy him with a single word, if she so chose.

But Jake trusted Amy, irrevocably.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Total Request:_ (7x02 anon) yeah that one. i was referring to the daddy issues thing and also the fact thatt captain kim left was his fault?? like im sure he must feel awful about that!! probably mad at himself for doubting every new person he meets due to his past family problems ...if u catch my drift winky face LOL
> 
> Thank you for your request! :D
> 
> I have very complex feelings about Karen, and I touched on them here. A parent’s job is to protect their kid, not to force them to protect themselves. I feel ~passionately~ about this.
> 
> Requests are currently closed as of 3/13! Requests sent before then will be done, but no more will be accepted until I re-open them later. I'm amazed how much this fandom loves requests, and I think it's awesome to have so much positive engagement! B99 has the best, and most active, fans I've ever been in a fandom for! I've hit 20 fics for this fandom, and over 1/2 of them are requests! That's incredible <3


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